I’ve always liked the idea of caring less
Caring less about everything with an exception of my studies
      and university. Maybe.

I think I have reached my minimum of giving a shit this
      summer after the quarantine
during which I have experienced a couple of troublesome
      nervous breakdowns (I am still not sure if that’s
exactly what you can call my previous state), maybe mild
      anxiety based on trying to quit smoking, and in June I
had my very first panic attack.
So here I am now and I honestly don’t care

In the past six months I can say I’ve seen enough
I’ve seen my mom crying more than I thought I would ever
      see in my whole entire life
I’ve also picked up more empty beers in my house than it is
I’ve seen so many pills left on the dinner table, that I actually
      had an idea of taking them all myself
And guess what
I didn’t go deeper into myself and I still don’t want to think
      that maybe my family has some issues, or maybe it
is even me who has them
Or maybe the whole planet Earth has them too
I don’t care tbh

And that’s one of the reasons people of my age find me very
      adult, because I prefer going with the flow, going
with a feeling
Meaning that I generally do what I want
And although I end up drinking at least 4 days in a week and smok-
      ing so many juul pods that I have nowhere to
keep them anymore
I am enjoying this summer
I admit that I might scare some of my friends a bit, because some of
      my stories seem to be a bit too much to be
told, although they are never about me directly
And I look way too easygoing for them, I behave the way I want,
      saying what I want, doing what I want

Some of the girls envy me, some of the guys sympathize with me,
      admire me even
But I prefer closing my eyes when I don’t want to see or to be seen

Of course you, my dear reader, might think that I will end up
      becoming a junky, a drug dealer or a drug addict,
or all of the above
Well and who knows, but I doubt it
You might also think that I don’t care about my life at all
And this is completely not true
I am just nice to people I like, a bitch to people who irritate me,
      lovely to my boyfriend and understanding to
most of the people, so they usually say that I even care too much
      about everything haha
But the problem is they are also wrong just the way you are, honey
I am able to choose
And yet I am completely unable to understand where the real me is
      among all these mirror reflections