I thought I lost myself when
I was losing tears
I thought I lost myself when I was eating bread with salt
When my sandcastle was around nine years old
I thought I lost myself completely
And at the age of nine and a couple teardrops
It was washed off by my abandoned mother

I thought I lost myself when
I was a little older
When I was putting more suncream on my
Still almost young not-face
I thought I lost myself when I was driving way too fast
Along the Red Square
And I lost myself again

I almost lost myself that time
Although my absence wasn’t a surprise
To my dead classmates and my father
Who was raised up in a communal grave
I thought I lost myself when
My not-yet-too-big-boobs were way too small for bras
And then I lost myself when my mother said not to laugh
About her different socks

I thought I lost myself when
I believed I didn’t
And I as well believed my tea was like not-coffee
But with sugar and with salt
Or sweets Or sweat Or sweater
I had a sweater? Was it Cold?

I thought I lost myself when
They all said I lost my mind